四十二寸长腿

Monday, August 31, 2009
应该还不到吧!


I know what they said. They said I am fascinating with Abs and I have been terrorising my blog with too much Abs. The word "fascinate" is too exaggerate I would tell them.

The proper word should be "harass".

I know what are you thinking now. August has over and September is here mar. I am actually waiting for this "Battle of Tongue" for long. So, let's get it started.

But before that, I want to emphasize "I love you, Abs!".

 
10:54 PM

It's Time To Play My Role

Sunday, August 30, 2009
as an eldest sister.

You know, you can always count on me on everything. Okay, maybe not everything, but I am sure I am "useful" on certain thing. You guys have pampered me so much that most of the time, I think I am useless and the one with least contribution in the family. I sometimes thought that I am the youngest one in the family and incapable of anything.

I wanted to be the "big sis" and be there to lend my hand and give my opinions and advises. Just like 10 years ago, we talked to each other and you would seek my advise for everything. We talked and laughed our heart out almost every night in my room and mama would come knocking on the door and do the nagging and scolding. "Are you both doing homework or talking nonsense!" "What's so funny! Can you both be serious when doing homework?" "You both better stop talking now and do your homework!" *bla bla bla* Well I hope you know, they were not nonsense to me. We were once so close and I cherish those moments a lot though most of the time we got scoldings from those moments. You would tell me so much thing of yourself, almost everything! Do you realise we hardly speak to each other nowadays?

I know from mama that something is bothering you. I saw you crying just now. When was the last time you cried? I think that must be the time you got your SPM result and were scolded like hell. I feel helpless seeing you sob because I don't know how to approach you and give you a pat on your shoulder and tell you everything will be okay. I know things are hard for you now. I want you to know that, I am within your reach and I will always make my ears and mouth available for you in anytime. We can go back to the old time. Mama won't scold us this time. I promise.

Our rooms are just 15 steps away or less, and you are always welcomed to be the guest in my room.


I was the big bully since small and you were always my target. And you're the big brother who protected me from the outsiders. When we grew older, I have stopped bully you. But you still carry on with your role as the big brother until now.

* shameful *


I love you. And still wanted to be your sister in next life. I want to be the youngest one! Pleeeeaaaaseeee. Actually, there isn't any difference also lar.

* sayang *
 
11:47 PM

凡有母亲的地方就有奇迹


I love this woman so much!
Happy Birthday to me.
 
9:58 PM

Ms. PomPom

Friday, August 28, 2009


Same old place.
Same old drinks.
Same old young peoples.

Just the 3 of us again. We need to expand our social web.

Maybe NOT!!! 3 is just fine.

Faster and easier to "sek wu" on the mahjong table.

 
5:15 PM

Ms. PCK

Thursday, August 27, 2009


Someone made the waitress wrote her name as Ms PCK.
Someone made the waitress pronounced Ms PCK out loud and pointed at me when the drinks were ready.

PCK is Pua Chu Kang. And this someone is my love.

So much noise. So much fun. Only 3 of us though. And so strong smell (from someone's sanitizer) too.

Coffee bean and lasagna and blueberry muffin and coffee is going to be our next preferred choice after Sunset Bistro and nuggets and liquor.

I can't wait for the rain to stop! Oh, and also the end of the Hungry Ghost Month soon.

Then I can go picnic by the beach!!!

 
12:16 AM

Up

Wednesday, August 26, 2009
"I saw my sis in cinema! Cross your heart! \ / X Hahaha!" Simon texted me just now.

I have no idea what he was talking about and think he must have sent to the wrong person. Then I read his message repeatedly until the scene came into my mind. The scene where Mr Fredricksen crossed his heart when Russel asked him to do so inside the cave in the Disney movie,
Up.

Okay. I got the clearer picture now.

Russel = that tua pui kia = Simon's sis = Waynz !!!


I replied, "Haha! Yes!!! And you see Lurlur in the movie too?!"

Dug = the dog with translating collar that Russel ran into = Lurlur !!!


Kevin (the colourful bird), Russel, Dug and Mr Fredricksen in the cartoon.

Dug and Russel in reality version. Don't they look just alike?


Note: \ / X is the heart-crossing symbol according to Russel. Oops Waynz I mean.
 
6:19 PM

会过去的

Monday, August 24, 2009
这我懂。

一直在想,若有天碰见你我们将会是怎样。
一直逃避,因为那一刻的情节我想象不到。
昨天发现,那一刻是不会发生的我想多了。

原来我们可以如此戏剧化。

我想念你手指淡淡的烟草味道。
 
9:51 PM

I Had A Long Weekend

and my days were filled with laughter and more laughter.

=)
 
6:20 PM

I Love Mövenpick

Sunday, August 23, 2009


I have been eating this almost everyday when I was in Geneva.

I saw this in the menu at Edelweiss Cafe during dinner.

And now this is haunting me and my taste bud.

So hard to get rid from this till I get one.

 
2:04 AM

The Transparent Grand

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Okay. I cannot still.

KAWAI... the finest name in pianos.

* drool *

 
6:37 PM

I Hate This Part

Never shed a tear in anyone farewell.

But just now?! And it is not even a farewell yet.


* helpless *
 
1:48 AM

The Long War

Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I cannot tell the too many stories.
I cannot read the too many faces.
I cannot digest the too many versions.
I cannot see from the too many dark clouds.

I can smell fishy though.


I don't wish to involve in this. Can I not to be impacted too?

I need my commander. The one.

 
10:22 PM

*L*ainbow Over The *L*oof



Rainbow is one beauty. =)

* still obsess with this broken pronunciation thing *

 
6:27 PM

Amazon-ing

Tuesday, August 18, 2009
17 items in cart now.
Free Super Saver Shipping.
Subtotal $145.25


Each item costs me $8.54. Quite worthwhile because some are hardcover. That's a satisfactory bargain.

Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
*Click for another 13 times*

0 item in cart now.

I think I would have clicked Proceed to Check Out instead of Delete if I did not glimpse at my credit card statement on the table accidentally.

Poor me.

Well, I possess them for at least half an hour though.

And I am all contented now.


Happy Online Shopping in Amazon.

 
10:08 PM

I Know

Monday, August 17, 2009
Me too.
 
11:51 PM

I Went Dating

with myself just now.

We had A&W Root Beer Float that I have been craving since long.

We spent some quiet time in the book shop reading the brief introductions of the new release and flipping the cookbooks. There were few books I wanted to possess and show them off on my book shelf. And then the thought of no more space on the book shelf hold me back. Also, there are few at home I haven't caress them yet.

We also did some window shopping. The watch I have been eyeing had sold out. I hate this happened because it only makes me lust for the watch more. Then to the shoes shops where my freaking-shoes-maniac-addiction has attacked, as expected. I have to negotiate and walk myself away from the pairs of flats and heels and wedges.

And then we went home.

We played with the dogs. They smell nice after bath. I think they are seriously getting more adorable, and I am still the Ms Popular among them. I just can't have enough kiss from them.

We also spent some time lazing on the sofa watching DVD.


The idea of dating with myself is not alone at all. Not pathetic either. Maybe a bit.

But I am making a progress today. I think I am, at least. Till this thing caught my attention a moment ago.


WHAT'S GOING ON NOW? Do I really need A&W and more books and shoes on my shelf?!! Do you really need me?



I am sorry. So Sorry.

 
10:35 PM

颓废

Sunday, August 16, 2009
这感觉糟透了!
 
11:12 PM

The False Surprise

I got a letter today, with my name and address handwritten on the envelope. Obviously, it couldn't be my credit card statement or any promotion brochure from the store.

Oh, I love letters!

I opened the letter excitedly, thinking who could be the thoughtful one for sending me an early birthday card!

*giggle*

And I was struck with disappointment!!!

It's not from any friends of mine. It is Skin Food, the thoughtful one that send me an early birthday card.



Aiks. I don't even know who the hell is Eleen, Annette and Summer. Are they the promoters of Skin Food, or the shareholders?


Sigh. Couldn't it be from somone I know at least?

 
12:59 AM

Is It True?

When you started to fall deeper for someone, you tend to expect more from that someone; and gradually, this someone will slip away from you.
 
12:22 AM

Another Uncertainty

Friday, August 14, 2009
I know this is not like attending tuition class in high school. If you don't like the teacher or the teaching style, you can quit anytime or even ask your friends to quit together. But this is work, the grown-up society I am living in.

I know adaptive to changes is one chapter in Behavior Science I have learnt in college. I can still list out the pros and cons of change. I thought I am pretty adaptive and I could handle changes well. But I was wrong. I tend to ignore the changes; pretend I am OK with them and continue my life as it is but then in fact I am not. I live a life of an ostrich, covering my head underneath the sand and pretending I was not impacted from the big wave.

I actually started paying less attention and effort in work, and getting more slothful each day. And I blamed the economic crisis for bringing in the countless re-org activity and activated the de-motivation button inside me. And the de-motivation bugs have spread so widely that it has started to deteriorate me without my notice.

I will be doomed if this situation is to be continued.

And I know we should all move on despite the changes.

But I really like the old division a lot more. The people. The managers. The teams. The cultures. The fun working environment. The faces. We're like part of the family. I mean most of us lar.

Things must not be any worse than how it is now. It must not. Else, it will be one ******* hell. Argh. I hate politics!



No more changes. No more changes. No more changes.
No more changes. No more changes. No more changes.
No more changes. No more changes. No more changes.
No more changes. No more changes. No more changes.
Pleeeaaaaaseeeee.


These uncertainty things are torturing. And now what? I have to embrace them on my work too?!


P.S I 最爱还是黎明。
P.S II Keeping my fingers crossed that she will not be expelled.

 
11:20 PM

Someone Has Missing

Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.
Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.
Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.
Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.

Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.
Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.
Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.

Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.
Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.
Something is missing. Something is missing. Something is missing.


Oh. You're missing from the online list.

and noone =)=)=) =)=)=)!!! with me.


=(

 
11:13 AM

[Depend on Me]

Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Yes, I am.

And thank you, love.


P.S Please say it was meant for me. Pleeeeeassseeee.

* Deserted *
 
5:43 PM

The Smaller, The Easier to Focus

Tuesday, August 11, 2009
During Eagle Pose in yoga class tonight, Ms Teh instructed us to keep our eyes staying focus on an object.

While balancing myself with the pose, I stare straight to the mirror which is about 8 ft away and try to find a still object. I couldn't locate any focus point at all. Everything is so big and it is hard to stay focus on big thing.

Then, when I pull my sight nearer to the girl in front of me, and VOILA!!! I finally locate something small to focus!

It's the *ahhem* mole on her shoulder.

Not trying to be nasty lar. But I did find it easier to stay focus on the mole ma.
 
9:38 PM

莲花

Today colour code is navy blue, until Abs chat with me in MSN.

She told me someone is going to get her a nice mouse when she change a new laptop. I am the special someone to Abs too, and I want to contribute something too.

Me: I get you a nice wallpaper ok?

Abs: I DON'T WANT YOUR PICTURE!
*See? She can be such a pain sometimes!*

Me: BUT YOU SAID I AM PRETTY!!!!
*I don't understand why she tends to ignore the fact that it is already month of August!*

Abs: You are. But I don't want to show everyone your prettiness. I want to keep it for myself.
*Abs could be totally different in just a split second*

Me: And you are afraid the ants will crawl all around the monitor la. I am so irresistibly sweet!

Abs: Yes and the bees! Because they thought they saw the sweetest and most beautiful flower!

Me: Not sunflower ok?

Abs: No. Sunflower is big. Maybe chrysanthemum.

Me: But I want to be daisy.

Abs: Ok. Or lily.

Me: Ok. Or tulips. But not hibiscus.

Abs: Or orchids.

Me: Not 富贵花。So 老土。

I thought we're still going to continue showing off our knowledge on flowers. Then, Abs replied.

Abs: 你可以是新加坡最漂亮的花。。。莲花!

And this is how she turned my colour code to turquoise and threaten bribe plead politely ask me to blog this, basically to blog her talent of being a Stand Up Comedian.

>.<

Next time, please turn me into fuchsia, can?

*thank you my love*

 
5:38 PM

I Felt Like A Blender

with so many mixed feelings blending inside me.

I do not know how to brush away your pain. I tried to keep a distance away but then it is hard to take off everything. The guilt is so large that I am afraid I will put us in dilemma again. You have left again and then coming back again again, and then leaving again again again and then coming back again again again again. I never realise I could need you so much, and you never dissapoint me. About you and me the history part, I have been doing a lot of thinking recently. I was in denial last time and now I see how selfish I was and still am. Damn, I could be so harsh and ruthless. I have put you through so much hell. And you, why are all the holding backs? I hate uncertainties. Everything seemed to be a make believe.

I miss you, you, you, and you so much.

 
12:58 PM

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆,
突然模糊的眼睛。

I can't help myself but keep repeating 五月天's 突然好想你 in my playlist the whole night.

最怕突然听到悲伤的情歌。
最怕歌词一字不露地侵入心坎。
最怕画面和回忆不断涌入脑里。
最怕泛滥的眼泪不受控制地涌出眼眶。
最怕朋友突然的关心,问起我和你。
最怕空气突然安静,哽咽淹没了寂静。
最怕突然间听不到你的消息。
更怕知道你为了我受尽折磨。

我们的爱是最痛的纪念品。
 
12:32 AM

我不是好人

Monday, August 10, 2009
更是不值得;
你们别傻了。

I have done nothing, NOTHING AT ALL to deserve all these kind words.

I am sorry.

I deserve all the hatred words and curses. Please hate me.
 
10:58 AM

I Am Not Strong

Sunday, August 09, 2009
either.
 
3:56 PM

My Present

My love is very thoughtful, and very much generous especially when it comes to buying me gift. I was hinting her the other day that it's my birthday soon and all I ask for is merely a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti heels.

As I mentioned she is very much generous. Now look what she got me when she went to Singapore few days ago.

A Giuseppe Zanotti shop!!!


I felt an immense gratitude to her, and thanked her in email. "That's so cheapskate sweet of you!."

My love is a well-mannered person and this is how she showed her courtesy. "You are FUCKING UNREASONABLE WHORE BITCH SLUT welcome."

With a smiley face =) behind the sentence somemore.

And then, she promised to buy me a Bottega Veneta factory next time.

I am flattered and I think it is a very luxury gift that I couldn't accept. I do not know how to tell her this in person and I do not want to make her think that I am not capable of running a factory.

So, I hope she is reading this entry.


Hey Abs, can you please get me this bag instead? =)

 
3:14 PM

My First Time

1- Attending friend's registry of marriage.
2- Driving to Butterworth with no sense of direction at all.
3- Taking ferry with SooChuin alone.
4- Going back to Komtar after 8 years?

The ROM - It was not how I imagined. I thought the whole thing would be in private and stately. To my surprise, it was carried out so openly in front of others couples. I know it's a solemn oath but then both SC and I felt more like attending our friend's graduation though. Maybe 8th Aug is an auspicious date and everyone is getting registered on that date. There were so many couple waiting for their turn to vow. Anyway, we witnessed our friend's ROM, the first one in 八路一号。I have a very strange feeling witnessing a close friend's ROM. I remember vividly how SuHui appeared to me the first time we met and then we stayed under the same roof. Quiet but smart; kind but harsh; tough but gentle. She had them all. Those days we spent in the dusty house, at the Crown Prince beach and many more, seemed like yesterday. We were so young then, and now, she is Mrs Choo!!! Wow. She is old now, and I am still young.

The Driving - We lost. I made the wrong turning once we're out from the ferry. And we're heading to Kulim instead. We called Ar Wern but then the 3G just not working and I couldn't tell her exactly where I was. Then, I pulled over to the side of the road and SC (in her sexy nighty dress) asked the 肥老豆 mechanic. He showed us the direction, and he was kind, at least he looked like one.

The Ferry - I am not sure if it is a must to turn off the car engine inside the ferry. I did not do so because it will be freaking hot and we need to keep up the silky, flawless and matte to the touch look. Then, we both continue gossiping inside the car until a sudden knock on the window. The Malay instructed me to turn off the engine and he pointed the sign board that written "Tarik Brek Sekuat-kuatnya and Matikan Enjin Kereta Anda". Okay, we can read now.

The Komtar - So long, Komtar. That's a childhood memory. We had our lunch at Georgetown Café and as usual, following with the bitching session on those old days. Oh, those days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congrats, my dear slave SuHui! :)

 
3:08 AM

I Love Talking to My Friends

YP: You see my MSN?
Me: Nope. You lost your msn? Noone sent out any lost & found email on your MSN pun.

Apparently, she was asking if I read her MSN tagline because she wanted to get my attention on this something she written.

~~~~~~~~~~

Abs: Good night, Abs! I talk to you tomorrow ok?
Me: Please don't dream of me ok? Because I am not free now.
Abs: Shit.

It is true that I am not free ma because I am still awake chatting! And if she dreams of me, I am sure I won't be able to entertain her because I am busy. I tell her the truth and like that she also want to shit me!

~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Prangin Mall 旁边在建着新的 shopping mall leh.
SC: Hanoh. First Avenue 嘛。
Me: 为什么是First Avenue?
SC: 因为头条路嘛!
Me: 哦。那如果建在五条路不就变成 Fifth Avenue lo.
SC: Haha. New York!!!

That would sure be a significant contrast.

~~~~~~~~~~

My friends are so cute. And I love them.
 
2:17 AM

I Am Lame

Saturday, August 08, 2009

While ordering my lunch in Kim Gary, my eyes glimpsed through the dessert list in the menu and I almost burst out laughing.

I tried not to laugh out loud until the waiter walked away.

I pointed the menu to Fiona. It was 芒果椰子奶露。

"Try read this from the behind and see!" I asked her.

And this is how it should sound like.


露奶子耶!

Lame and not funny, I know. Plus, I missed out the 芒果。


-______-

 
11:30 PM

My Mom Could Be A Surprise

Not long ago, mom got Hsien to sign up a hotmail account for her. Can read a lot of interesting emails, she claimed. From then on, when she's not giving tuition or doing her school work, she will be sitting in front of the computer reading emails. Then, she will start telling everyone in the house about the fascinating emails she read, about the horrible crime tactics that others came across, about the interesting facts and hilarious photos that were forwarded from her friend.

She's kinda obsessed with the forwarded emails, I think. And most of the time, 3 of us gave her the "those-stuff-are-boring" faces. We have seen so many of them already. Except papa, her only audience that listens in amazed everytime when she starts to talk.

Then there was once, I saw her on the phone in front of the computer. To my astonishment, she was guiding that person how to access to Magnum and check the 4D result. And she even mentioned GOOGLE and how useful Google search engine is!

She was sitting in front of the computer again a moment ago. She told dad she is going to show him some video. Wow...porn?! I thought.

"Do you want to see video on Beng Hock?" she asked.


"I can You Tube for you." she continued.

YOU TUBE!!! Her daughter is not even a big fan of You Tube.

"This is called You Tube lar! Just key in the subject and date then you can watch the whole video of Beng Hock's funeral liao." she explained to dad.

"Wah!!!" the usual exclamation tone.

Then, both of them sat in front of the computer you-tubing.


Mama, what's next? Facebook-ing and blogging?

I am VERY impressed.

 
8:14 PM

I Am Sorry

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.
I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

It is really hard.

Everything reminds me of you. Even the paper clip.


Sorry.
 
12:29 AM

=(

Friday, August 07, 2009
Every watch tell a story. We had four.

So many things more.

So hard.
 
5:41 PM

It's Time Now

Thursday, August 06, 2009
When Melean printed us the 2010 Calendar, the first thing I run my eyes through the calendar is not the date, not as usual.

The time has drawn nigh.

And I am scared. Helpless.
 
9:01 AM

The Mark of the Arrival of August

Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!

Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!

Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!

Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!

Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!

Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!

Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!
Treat me nice!

Treat me extra nice!

I Love You! >.<

 
9:05 AM

Dare Me!

"Er... Can I have a junior scoop sundae cup?" I asked.
"What flavour would you like?"
"Lum Leisin!" Abs dared me to say this in BR.

I swear I saw the waitress trying hard not to laugh at me! But never mind, it was so much fun, once a while!!!

We still have so many flavours to make fun of.

Pitatio and Thorbelly Teese Cake flavour. Oh, and War Kas Coklet.

I really had fun, and also the 2388, pitt pitt pitt part! I know you're preparing me for the hell I am going through soon.


Thank You! :)
 
1:19 AM

Sex and Marriage

Monday, August 03, 2009
I was 9; I played masak-masak with the boy next door. We'd our wedding ceremony and my brother as the pastor. After the ring (I think it was a rubber band) exchange, he kissed me on my lips. Mom was not home. But grandma saw the scene and told her.

I was 12; my then best friend and I had a crush with the same classmate. We passed on notes to each other during classes and talk about our crush. Love seemed difficult to understand, let alone marriage.

I was 15; I had fantasy with Keanu Reeves, Takeshi Kaneshiro, and Nicholas Tse, my then idols. My fantasy included my marriage with three of them. The best part of fantasy is you can have all the impossible things working out in your head. All free and no boundary.

I was 16; I had this vague relationship lasted for few months. It was not an official relationship and barely significant too, but he did play some part in the change of my destiny. Marriage did not exist in this chapter.

I was 17; I secretly fell for her. Fell might sound a bit serious, admire is more proper. Every time we talked, I felt butterfly flipping its wings inside my tummy. I was more like a follower; no fantasy, no marriage though.

I was 18; I had my first announced relationship. Marriage is beyond my consideration and beyond our capabilities too.

I was 22; it's another relationship. The idea of marriage somehow fell in my head sometimes. But I knew I was not in the position to demand for one.

Today; I am in a rocky relationship and marriage is remote.

Tomorrow; I might consider a marriage. Same sex or not, it's not important.


Sex, or rather gender is categorized more than just female and male, especially to people like us. There are so many labels only in a dykey relationship. But when it comes back to the basic gender, a butch will still be labeled as female. Same, there're so many different type of relationships going on out there. But when it comes to the requirement of a long lasting and loving relationship, it's always how the two person percept and value the love and sustain. Gender does a very little impact on this. Let's set aside the pressure from family and society first.

What does gender really matter to us? Or does label really matter?

I did not "choose" to be gay, nor I was born to be one. As far as I remember, I had crush for cute guys and I would greatly flattered if they flirt with me. The same time, I find myself sexually attracted to these "men" who traps inside the women bodies. And, I have something for these pretty ladies who are refined and elegant, and I just couldn't take my eyes off them. They could be pure admires, who wouldn't love beautiful things? But, I clearly aware that gender will not impede me from getting together with person I fell for. I know it is not a common thing that is acceptable to everyone. Take a common example; some people don't mind if their other halves smoke. But some put this smoking habit on top of their mate-consideration list, and it's a big "no-no" to them. In my mate-consideration list, how much I fell for that person always comes first than the person's gender.

To me, gender is just an attribute of the two persons that made up the relationship.

If I am cooking chicken for dinner, the last thing I would care is if it is a cock or hen. How the chicken is going to be cooked and how it tasted are things I would bother. Dinner and the gender of the chicken, they seemed irrelevant. Dinner and chicken, they linked. Of course, one would not compare relationship with dinner, nor one will cook relationship neither. But, at the end of the day, what are relationship and dinner to us? Are they merely a noun, or something we could not afford to miss in this life?

I couldn't bother much of the chicken's gender; I only want a well-cooked dinner.


Marriage. I attended countless wedding ceremony and wedding dinner, either sitting in a baby chair or a grown-up chair. And every scene is the same, the bride and the groom walked into the hall blissfully and guests turned to gaze admiringly at them; and when dishes served, they quietly compared the food, shark fins soup especially and the same time bitching the background of the pair of newlywed, as if they have the perfect son or daughter in-law. Okay, I know this is like a norm and I am one of the bitches too, and this is not my intended point actually. My point is, even a straight marriage, people has got so many to criticize, let alone gay marriage.

I grew up being taught that a family is made up of a father (male), a mother (female) and children (could be both female and male). No one ever mentioned that a family could form by a gay couple and their adopted children too. Not in our society and culture. Non-straight things are forbidden and always interpreted as sinful.

Back in years ago, I imagined my marriage life with a husband (male) and three kids (two sons and a daughter) and we lived happily in a vintage house where bed of tulips planted in the garden. Marriage to me that time was having kids and living happiliy. I know very little to none of commitment and sharing of life. Marriage to me was just pictures of how life should be. When I was in my first relationship, these imaginations somehow faded. I would not think about marriage because it's beyond our capabilities. And I thought; who needs a marriage when you can stay happily with your mate, especially gay couple? You only need a marriage to obtain marriage certificate so that you can deliver your babies legally in term of custom law, or you're entitled to move in together and wouldn't need to endure the neighbour's pointing. I see marriage as just a piece of paper to prove two together, while this piece of paper has law enforcement and allow you to sue the other half for commit adultery. Then I learned, marriage could be more than this. Marriage is a commitment. Marriage is a knot to keep faith from falling apart. This piece of paper could allow you to sue the other half, and the same time it could also provide a legal standing for your mate when something happen to you. The wedding band and ritualistic part of marriage is the testimony of both completing each other life. Marriage might not be necessary, but when it happens, nothing could defeat the beauty of marriage.

The urge of getting married is especially strong when friends talking about their wedding plans. At the age of mine, who isn't talking about marriage and wedding? If I were given an option, to get married with him whom I like a lot or to only move in with her whom I fell in love with all my heart. I think I know the choice. When I grew older, I value marriage more. But then, to disaffection against my heart's will for the sake of marriage? I wouldn't do so. Of course, things could be very easy if I was allowed to change the option to marry her that I love the most or move in with him that I like a lot. But reality is always harsh. Making everything you want in your way? It is tougher and close to miracle.


I yearn for a marriage, but I hunger more for the life with the one I love the most. Same sex or not, I think it shouldn't be a major concern. Marriage or not, it doesn't seem to be a need too anymore.

I was once obsessed by the matter of sex and marriage. The problem of being a minority is, majority tends to think they are right with everything they practice and minority is eccentric. I know not all majority thinks so, but those who think so do exist and they can be close to your life. You can't convince them to accept by just few words, nor can you plead them for acceptance. I think in order to be accepted, you must accept yourself first. Both to be accepted and accept, they're not easy. Not at all. But I believe time will tell.

Love, sex and marriage are individual entities but were connected to each other closely. And when it comes to love and marriage, they shouldn't be judged by sex.

I do not write this entry to govern my friends, or closed one on their contemplations of gay relationship.


I am just rambling on my feelings.


 
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